Never in the history of humankind has the world been more prosperous yet there have never been so many discontent individuals trying to make sense of all the chaos, just to live a happy fulfilled life.
Dana, the lady sitting in front of me, with her hands on her face and head down crying, “has it all.”
She recently achieved one of her major goals in life and got that promotion with a healthy pay increase where she manages several hundred employees in one of the top companies in her industry.
An admired individual with several years of experience. She’s a calm pleasant spoken individual that brags only when it comes to building up her team. Her pride in how hard they work and meet project goals assigned is obvious by her demeanor.
It never matters what Dana is talking about, you always get the sense that she’s genuinely interested in you. She’s stern but has a confident swagger about herself and when she enters a room it’s not “Here I am!”, it’s more on the line of “Oh, there you are.”
She’s an achiever, a go-getter in every sense of the word.
Dana’s married with two small children and puts a high value on being present, having quality time with her family, and being a happy enthusiastic person at work and home.
She and her family live in Wilmington a gradually developing city on the coast of North Caroline where they enjoy the beaches and all the other benefits it has to offer a young growing family.
Looking from the outside she’s one of those individuals that we all look at and say, “Man if only I was like her all my worries would be over and life would be a breeze.”
So, as I’m sitting there thinking how Dana has it all put together and is living the dream compared to most others today, she looks up and jolts me with a comment which I never saw coming especially from her, “Pappi I’m lost, my life’s a total mess and I don’t have a clue of how to fix it, I need your help.”
“Help with what, specifically,” I asked with a puzzled look.
“Things are good for me right now, I have a great career I enjoy the work and challenge, a wonderful husband, and two fantastic kids that I never dreamed I could love so much. But I feel deep inside me something just isn’t right. Like I’m supposed to be doing something and I’m not.
It stresses and frustrates me at the same time because I can’t find an answer, heck, I don’t have a clue of what’s going on in my head right now.
Does that make any sense at all?”
“Yes, it does actually. How long have you been dealing with these emotions and what have you done to try to remedy them?”
“It’s been going on for some months now, 5 or 6, and I’m not really sure I’ve dealt with them at all because I’m doing the things you’re supposed to do that I’ve done in the past to get me where I’m at now.
You know like trying to live in the present and love your family, I do. They say be effective, plan your day and be passionate about your work, I am. They say to be grateful, I’m very grateful for all that I’ve been blessed with. They say be a giver, I give of myself and try to help everyone I connect with especially at work.
Not only that but I’ve implemented a few of the happiness practices and exercises you’ve told me about when we’ve talked in the past and they worked great but for some reason, they just don’t seem to be having the same effect on me as well as they did in the beginning.
I’ve risen through the ranks with all the gender discrimination and am proud of my accomplishments and I’m happy with my life. But I just don’t know, Pappi.
In all the chaos of trying to accomplish my goals at work, home, and in life I’m starting to feel discontented with it all. It feels like I’m lost just going through the motions. I’m just not sure of what I really want anymore.”
I’ll be willing to bet that you know quite a few people just like Dana. They’re intelligent individuals, hardworking, caring, and very capable of achieving whatever they set their minds to.
But right now, at this stage of her life, Dana has reached what to her was the ultimate goal in life, that promotion. But now that she has accomplished it her motivation has ebbed, and she has no idea what will bring back that enthusiasm that burning desire she once had to accomplish everything.
When doubt starts to creep into your life you must get Crystal Clear
Dana and I’ve had many casual conversations in the past about happiness and how we can create more of it in our daily lives by changing our mindset on how we perceive the world around us to be.
Simply put how happiness is truly in your own hands.
So, it wasn’t a shock to me that I’d be asked for help from someone seeing I’ve been writing and coaching others at happipappi.com with similar issues for some time now especially in my work environment.
What the real shocker here was the person that was asking, Dana, Lady High Performer who seemed to have everything going her way at the moment.
This has become a common scenario in this golden age of technology we live in today where people look and act like their lives are a masterpiece on the outside but deep down within you find just a bunch of scribble on a piece of plain paper, they’re lost with no direction, no meaning, or fulfillment in their life.
Where there is No direction, No meaning, No fulfillment there is definitely No happiness to be found.
So, what’s the answer to all these NO’s in your life without the stress and anxiety attached?
Whether you’re a high achiever like Dana or just someone stuck seeking to live a simple happy life without all the stress, fear, anxiety, and drama you must be crystal clear on who you are and who you want to be.
Upgrading Your Software Is a Must In Todays Chaotic World
If you have a computer, you know that ever so often MS Windows comes out with a new version of their operating system. It all started back in 1985 when Windows was introduced to the public. Since then there have been numerous versions released, 40 minima for personal computers by my research.
The reason for all the upgrades is to make your computer run faster, better, and to help with the increasingly complex tasks we’re facing in this golden age of technology we now live in. Just think of how hard, if not impossible, some of the task today would be if all we had was Windows 95.
But how many individuals think about upgrading their Windows Operating System, their own system for living?
The issue with most is they’re still running a Windows 95 System for Living which can’t keep up or deal with the complexity of this fast-paced world they live in and they crash with the overload of stress, fear, anxiety, and drama.
Dana’s a high-performance achiever and understands how critical it is to consistently upgrade your system but for the last 5 or 6 months since the promotion, she hadn’t thought about a better version of herself because she was already doing so well.
But after a few more conversations with her, she came to realize she’d dropped the ball of keeping up with her habit of continuously upgrading her system of living.
Since then she’s told her team of her set back and now in every meeting, she has with them makes it a priority they question everything leaving no stone unturned and that their system for living is the newest most up to date version.
Now, after reimplementing new parameters, she’s back on track with new goals, a boost of enthusiasm, and the return of that burning desire to help others reach their goals and live a fulfilled life.
And her team is reaping all the benefits from it.
Plus, that crystal clear clarity on what she wanted reappeared. I guess you could say Dana had a hiccup on her journey to greatness and re-establishing clarity got her back on track.
So, what does Dana do specifically to upgrade her system for living to get clarity for her future?
Upgrading Your System for Living to Get What You Want Without All the Stress, Fear, Anxiety, and Drama
Your discontent comes from somewhere deep inside. In most cases, it’s how you perceive yourself to be as an individual and your perception of the world around you.
When you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way it is, and you’re just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family life, have fun, save money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact. That is – everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you. And you can change it. You can influence it… Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again. – STEVE JOBS ( APPLE)
We live in 2 worlds, the absolute and the relative.
We all are keenly aware of the first, the absolute world we live in, it’s the world where we all can agree on what it consists of, it affects all human beings, like fire is hot, water is wet, ice is cold, and great white sharks have huge sharp teeth and it hurts when they bite you.
The second is the relative world Steve Jobs speaks of. A world that has been created by individuals that lived in a different era that were no smarter than you or me but every aspect of our lives is governed by these humanmade rules and laws of the past.
It governs how we are to eat, make love, get a job, marry, raise our children, get an education, worship, and what we are to believe (our beliefs).
This world Does Not Affect every human being. Due to all the different cultures and societies that make up this world it only affects certain groups, tribes, or organizations, we call it the civilized world.
But the fantastic thing to note here is this relative world that is made up in our minds can be changed and influenced to create the reality you want.
And the best way to start that change is by following Dana’s lead.
Dana’s Lead #1 – Know Thyself
“Know Thyself” ancient wisdom advice inscribed on the Temple of Delphi in Greece for over the last 2400 years still holds true for everyone today. The only difference is high achievers and others who want to live a happy fulfilled life add to it, “Know Thyself” and “Imagine Thyself.”
Individuals who want to not only achieve greatness but live a fulfilling life with purpose take it to another level finding ways to mold and sculpt themselves into stronger more capable people.
Their focus isn’t on the stress and drama in their lives it mainly on the best self they want to grow into and this is where you want to get to. Where your thoughts are constantly on your ideal future self.
Dana found what will help you focus on your ideal future self is to actively engage in trying to be that person. It’s very important to actively engage because it helps you begin living into that best self-today, in the present.
It is best to do this by writing down in a journal describing how you now perceive yourself in your life situations that you’ve had over the last few months.
Situations you’ve had with your significant other
Situations at your workplace
Situations with your children or co-workers
Situations in social activities and with strangers
Once you have these past situations on paper it’s time to bring them back to memory.
Now write down the answer to this question. Is this the ideal person I see myself being in the future?
If not, ask yourself, how would my ideal future self-look, feel, react, or behave differently in those situations.
Now I want you to write down 3 inspirational words that describe you best, that sum up the ideal future person you are in the future. What would these words be and why are they so meaningful to you?
Once you find your 3 words that describe you the best I want you to put them on your phone as an alarm that will go off several times during the day.
When the alarm goes off and the words pop-up take a few minutes to focus on what they mean to you.
Dana’s Lead #2 – Treatment of Others
This is closely related to knowing thyself in that you must be crystal clear on how you want to interact with family, friends, co-workers, and strangers. Situational awareness and social intelligence are two skills you want to tune in on as you enter a social situation which will help you succeed and lead others.
This may sound to you as being common sense but let’s see if it’s common practice in your life.
Before your last phone call did you think about how you would interact with the person on the other end? What tone of voice would you have? How would you begin the conversation enthusiastic, positive, or frustrated by something you were engaged with before the call?
Before the last meeting you were involved in did you think about how you wanted to interact with each individual and how you would focus more on them and not you?
Before your last night out with your significant other, partner, friends, or family did you set an intention for the enthusiasm, happiness, inspiration, or energy of excitement you wanted to create around the event?
Before you last encounter in a difficult situation or conflict did you calm yourself, think about your future ideal self, how you wanted to come across to the other person when you talked?
Before you interact with others do you think about being enthusiastic, about how you will generate positive constructive emotions, how you can be a good role model, and most of all how you can be a better listener?
These are questions in different situations that will help you measure the level of your intentions.
You need to ask yourself these questions on a regular basis before interacting with others.
How can I be a more positive good person or leader during this upcoming situation or meeting?
What will the other person or people need?
What is the tone or mood for this interaction do I want to set?
always anticipate positive fruitful social interactions
Remember it’s our human nature – we all want to be treated with respect and appreciation. Knowing this will carry you a long way in virtually every area of life.
Here we want to start out by writing down each person’s name that’s in your family and team at your workplace.
Okay fast forward in time, now imagine 20 years have past and each one of these people is describing why they respect and love you so much. But they can only use 3 words to summarize the interaction they had with you in life. What would you want those 3 words to be?
Here’s the clincher, next time you’re with each of these people take the time to approach it as an opportunity to show those 3 qualities they put in words about you.
Take those words and set them as goals to start living the qualities they represent. Start challenging yourself to be that person now!
Dana’s Lead #3 – Skill Sets Are Developed
You must be crystal clear on the skill sets you’ll need to help you become that future ideal self. You may need to do a little research to find the exact skills you’ll be using in the future.
What 2 or 3 skills are you working on now that will help you become more productive, happy, and successful next year?
Becoming that future ideal self isn’t just a shot in the dark you want to be specific in these exercises. You want to visit and home in on your interest and passions and start developing the skill sets you’ll need by setting up activities or routines to develop them.
If you love to dance, then put your cross-hairs on that specific kind of dance you love and then start studying it.
Look to the future – Identify key skills – Obsessively develop those skills
This all may sound easy to you but in a fast-paced world where we’re distracted pretty much 24/7, developing curriculum in life has become a lost art.
Think about that field of interest that you see your future ideal self in and write down 3 skill sets that make the successful individuals in that field so successful.
Now write down under each of those skill sets what you will do to develop those skills. Are you going to read, what and how will you practice, will you get a coach to help, or will you need to go to a training – in person or online? When? Put it on your calendar, start now, and stay consistent.
Okay now think about that field of interest your future ideal self is in and write down the 3 most important NEW Skill Sets you will need to succeed 5, 10, 15 years from now. Try your best to imagine the future and where this field may be by then. Keep these skills on your watch list and start developing them sooner than later. By doing this you’ll also increase your present abilities.
Dana’s Lead #4 – Serving Others The Key
We have come to the place where Dana excels in every area of her life. She overflows with enthusiasm and excitement at the very thought of people getting what they want and being happy.
This is also what has caused her to stumble and crash her highly proficient system for living. Just as a computer stalls and crashes when there’s more data coming in that it is capable of handling.
As we continued our talk when we came to this stage of the game it was like a light came on in her head and she said, “I’ve become an internal manager, it has been months since I’ve been on the front lines with my team like I use to be.
It’s no wonder I feel the way I do. I’ve become so caught up in my new responsibilities I’ve left my first love, I’ve lost my love and spirit of service to others.”
That’s what derailed Dana and caused her to start going through the motions, it’s what made her start to doubt herself. Even though in reality nothing on the outside had changed. She had simply started perceiving her days not as blessings and opportunities but as a series of menial task.
This is what led to her earlier statements, “Pappi I’m lost, my life’s a total mess and I don’t have a clue of how to fix it, I need your help… I’m just not sure of what I really want anymore.”
But now that she is back on track she’s her old self again and obsessed with serving others. Her attention is now focused more than ever on the area of serving.
High achievers Like Dana don’t focus on the past they search for;
Relevance – they ask, “What matters most now and how is the best way I can deliver it to everyone concerned?”
Distinction – they look for what can make them unique in their industry, in their relationship, and their careers.
Mastery – doesn’t come from external events or situations, they search within their internal life values then ask, “How can I deliver beyond what is expected of me?”
This Is How You Start Living a Happy Fulfilled Life With Purpose and Without All the Stress, Fear, Anxiety, and Drama
Will all this be easy to put into practice? No, but how easy is it living with all the stress, fear, anxiety, and drama you have in your life?
Once you get a handle on Dana’s practices and exercises life will start to change in big ways and when they become everyday habits in your life you won’t believe what you will be capable of doing.
Have you upgraded your system for living lately? You have everything you need to become the individual you want to be.
Do you really want to succeed in everything you do?
Then you must first answer the 3 Most Important Questions You Want To Ask Yourself – Answering these questions is like the guard giving you the key to unlocking the door to the prison cell you’ve been locked up in for the last 5 years. Click the link to review the questions.
Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. – Howard Thurman
Wait There’s One Last Thing I Have For You
A tip to help you rid yourself during the day and give relief from the terrible four stress, fear, anxiety, and drama when they crop up.
TIP – Put a smile on your face, genuine or fake doesn’t matter. When you do this your brain releases 4 powerful chemicals dopamine, serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin.
These are your happy chemicals and when released start filtering down from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet creating an adrenaline rush that will overcome the negatives thoughts in your mind.
To give these happy chemicals a boost think of someone or something you love and focus for a minute or two, a picture of my grandkids works great for me.
You’ll find that the stress you were feeling has dissipated, gone.
It’s nice to know you have your own pharmacy built right in your brain that you can get a prescription filled by simply putting a smile on your face anytime you want.
Happiness is truly in your hands,
Gregory L Henderson